Freaky Picture

In the "news":

A hunter near Baton Rouge says he found this freaky photo on his deer stand camera.

The hunting camera was broken but the memory card was still there and so was this bizarre image.

For some reason this was cropped. The original image is even freakier:

Halloween 2010

Sad Keanu Is Going To Hell

Sticky Whopper

Try the new Sticky Whopper at Burger King. It's just like a regular Whopper only instead of the usual sesame seed bun, the Sticky Whopper is topped with a warm, gooey cinnamon roll. Make sure you have plenty of napkins handy.

(WARNING: Not a real product. If you go to Burger King and ask for a Sticky Whopper you might get something else.)

Faceblocked!

I am pissed off because my Facebook account just got deleted.

After I tried to log in I checked my email to find a warning that was sent a few hours prior to my account being deleted:

You uploaded a photo that violates our Terms of Use, and this photo has been removed. Facebook does not allow photos that attack an individual or group, or that contain nudity, drug use, violence, or other violations of the Terms of Use. These policies are designed to ensure Facebook remains a safe, secure and trusted environment for all users, including the many children who use the site.

I can't think of what might have caused such alarm. Could it be the picture I made of BP CEO Tony Hayward in Jail? Could it be the admittedly stupid BP Megamaid anti-motivational poster I made? I have heard of people and groups getting their accounts deleted over criticism of BP but I don't think that is the case. I think it was probably the Texas Schoolbook Massacre poster I made which shows "Leatherneck" wearing a cross around his neck sawing through a history book with a chain saw. (See my previous posts for images.)

I recently joined a group which claims evolution is false in an attempt to educate the people there about it. Of course, every intellectual knows that trying to explain evolution to creationists is as futile as finding the non-fiction section in a Christian book store but I thought I would weigh in anyway. I even added a few creationists as friends in hopes that I might have some good laughs. Now, a few days later, my account has been deleted. I don't think that Facebook normally deletes an account based on a single complaint so I have a hypothesis as to how this might have happened. Christians have a way of making stupid things go viral. All it takes is one Christian to send an e-mail about some little thing that they find offensive and in minutes a small fire can turn into a raging inferno of ignorance.

I'm hoping that the Facebook team will get back to me soon and let me know exactly how I violated their terms. It is a bit ironic to me that all of this would happen at the threshold of Independence Day weekend.

Streeters

I found this by the Gateway Mall across from the homeless shelter in downtown Salt Lake City.

Cipher

Here's my cipher challenge. If you solve it please post your answer in the comments.

14-06-23-24 01-27-15-05-21-30-13-33 32-03-30-10-21 30-35-34= 01-27-28 09-03-35-06-13-13-06-13-35 26-02-03 14-29-32-06-13-35 21-20-30-35-27-24-01-26-06 19-11-13-21-26-28-10 07-25-03-30-01-24-33 26-02-24 05-13-06-23-24-10-21-28 30-13-33 30 09-05-13-07-27 15-14 20-29-30-13-28-26-21* 06-13-07-29-18-33-06-13-35 28-30-10-01-27+ 13-11 34-13-03 24-16-07-28-20-01 27-06-19-21-03-29-14 12-30-21 30-10-22-08-13-33 01-24 21-03-24 06-26* 09-05-01 12-18-21-20-24-07-26 06-01 12-30-21 25-30-26-27-03-10 33-05-29-29+ 01-27-24 06-13-06-26-06-30-29 07-10-28-30-01-06-15-13* 11-09-23-06-34-22-18-21-29-32* 19-05-21-26 02-30-23-03 09-28-03-13 21-20-24-07-01-30-07-05-29-30-10* 09-05-01 02-28 26-02-28-13 21-20-03-13-01 26-27-03 13-24-16-01 26-28-13 01-11 15-13-28 27-18-13-33-10-24-33 32-28-30-25-21 20-30-06-13-21-26-30-08-06-13-35-29-32 20-25-28-20-30-10-06-13-35 26-02-24 05-13-06-23-03-25-21-28 26-22 30-20-20-28-30-25 22-29-33-03-10 01-27-30-13 06-01 30-07-26-05-30-29-29-32 06-21+ 20-02-11-26-34-13-21 12-03-25-28 20-29-30-07-28-33 06-13-33-06-23-06-33-06-30-29-29-32* 24-13 10-22-18-01-03 26-15 03-30-25-26-02* 11-21-01-28-13-21-26-01-13-21-06-09-29-32 24-19-06-01-26-21-33 19-06-29-29-06-34-13-21 15-14 32-28-30-10-21 30-35-22 14-25-22-19 21-01-30-25-21 30-07-10-34-21-21 01-27-03 35-30-29-30-16-32+ 06-13 25-03-30-29-06-01-32* 12-28 08-13-22-12 26-02-30-01 28-30-07-27 20-27-22-26-11-13 12-30-21 33-06-23-06-13-28-29-32 20-29-30-07-24-33 30-13-33 10-24-33'21-02-06-14-26-03-33 30-20-20-25-11-20-10-06-30-01-24-29-32 26-11 19-30-08-28 26-02-03 05-13-06-23-03-10-21-24 30-20-20-28-30-25 01-22 09-03 09-06-29-29-06-34-13-21 22-14 32-28-30-10-21 15-29-33+ 12-03 30-10-28 21-01-06-29-29 14-06-13-33-06-13-35 02-06-25 07-30-19-22-05-14-29-30-35-28 19-24-01-02-11-33-21 30-26 12-15-10-08 01-34-33-30-32** 03-30-07-27 01-06-19-24 21-07-06-28-13-01-06-21-26-21 33-06-21-07-34-23-28-10 30-20-20-30-10-03-13-01 28-23-06-33-24-13-07-03 11-14 30 09-06-29-29-06-15-13-21'22-14'32-24-30-10-21'34-29-33 05-13-06-23-28-25-21-03* 12-24 07-30-13 09-03 30-21-21-18-10-28-33 01-27-30-26 26-02-06-21 06-21 17-05-21-01 19-34-10-03 28-29-30-09-22-25-30-01-24 20-10-03-20-30-25-30-26-06-15-13 02-28 20-05-01 06-13 20-29-30-07-24+

BP Mega Maid

My friends call me "Solo"

I found this outside of my son's elementary school.

I'm thinking there's a reason why this guy is called "Solo"


I submitted it to Found Magazine. I guess we'll see if they publish it.

Texas Schoolbook Massacre

This is a local show for locals only

The League of Gentlemen is one of the best shows out there.
It's like Monty Python on acid after watching too many horror films.
I just ordered the first season DVD.

Emo Phillips Quotes

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."

"I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him."

"My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself."

"I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes."

"I was the kid next door's imaginary friend."

"I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them."

"I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me."

"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."

Mitch Hedberg Quotes

I got to write these jokes. So, I sit at the hotel at night and I think of something that's funny. Or, If the pen is too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of wasn't funny.

I played golf... I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying...

My friend was walking down the street and he said, "I hear music." As if there is any other way of taking it in. I tried to taste it, but it did not work.

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

Someone handed me a picture and said, "This is a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is when you were younger. "...Here's a picture of me when I'm older." Where'd you get that camera man?

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.

If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.

Every time I go and shave, I assume there is somebody else on the planet shaving as well, so I say, "I'm gonna go shave too."

On a traffic light yellow means yield, and green means go. On a banana, it's just the opposite, yellow means go ahead, green means stop, and red means, where'd you get that banana?

...and then at the end of the letter I like to write "P.S. - this is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

Stephen Wright Quotes

I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja-vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 50 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far'.

Someone sent me a postcard picture of the earth. On the back it said, "Wish you were here."

"Did you sleep well?" "No, I made a couple of mistakes."

I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said "pet supplies". So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said "compact cars".

I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.


I bought a dog the other day... I named him Stay. It's fun to call him... "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing.

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy

One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don't run with wooden stakes.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their shoes.

I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.

Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words "mank"and "ind." What do these words mean? It's a mystery and that's why so is mankind.

As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.

Insanitize Me

In a mad world only the mad are sane.
- Akira Kurosawa

Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs it is the rule.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Truly great madness cannot be achieved without signifigant intelligence.
- Henrik Tikkanen

There is no great genius without a touch of madness.
- Seneca

There is only one difference between a madman and me. I am not mad.
- Salvador Dali

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they have always worked for me.
- Hunter S. Thompson