Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy

One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don't run with wooden stakes.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their shoes.

I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.

Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words "mank"and "ind." What do these words mean? It's a mystery and that's why so is mankind.

As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.